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Last week I returned from Camp Allen where I attended an intensive week-long program on The Daring Way™. This program is based on the research and writings of Brené Brown. Bishop Doyle strongly encouraged the clergy of the Diocese of Texas to participate in this program, and I’m very grateful to all the folks around here who allowed me to do so. Going forward, I will be integrating the learning into my work by looking for points of intersection between Brown’s theoretical framework and generally accepted best practices of teaching and learning. As my attention has turned to Ash Wednesday and to Lent, one such intersection comes quickly to mind: Shame is a spiritual problem. It is correlated with counterproductive, self-destructive behaviors and is ineffective for behavioral change. From an educational standpoint, shame has no place in the classroom.
Lent is not about shame. Shame is the painful feeling that we are not worthy of love and connection. The Gospel message is that God loves us unconditionally. All children are God’s children, created in God’s image and worthy of love. Shame tells us a lie…that we are a lost cause, flawed and without hope of redemption. Lent, however, does involve guilt. Guilt tells us the truth that we are people who are worthy of love and connection who have done things we should not have done. Effective teachers (and parents) know in their bones to focus on the behavior, not on the person. Guilt tells me I made a mistake; shame tells me I am a mistake. There is a big difference!
Lent is a time in particular when we acknowledge our guilt…that we have made mistakes and intend to lead a new life. We are called to live always in the knowledge that God is compassionate and forgiving and has made this known most clearly in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus.
Faithfully,
David C. Dearman
